Some things about Capricorn

I’m not a Capricorn, I have known a lot of Capricorns.

 

 

They’re not selfish

Everyone gets presents around or on their birthday. They learn early on the true meaning of Christmas because they kind of have no choice to not learn it.

 

They can be selfish

About their money and belongings. Why? Because they worked their ass of for it and you should too! If you don’t, it’s not their problem and they don’t want to hear it.

 

They’re not that patient

They’re willing to work hard for the things they want in life, but they won’t wait in a long line at a coffee shop. Why wait forever at one coffee shop when there’s others in town? Or better yet, you can make it at home for free!

 

They’re complicated but not really

They’re cold and detached at times because they’re mad, bored, or something is on their mind. They don’t mind doing favors for you but don’t ask them for any favors. If they’re in a generous mood or think you really need their help, they will do something. Good luck though if you burned bridges with them, they don’t forget anything.

 

They’re not horny toads

What I mean is, they don’t want to fuck everyone they see. They’re monogamous for the most part. If you cheat on them, they will not cheat on you. They will get angry and end the relationship. They can’t tolerate someone who is dishonest and unloyal.

 

They can be romantic

Surprises? Vacations? They plan those without you having an idea it’s going on. The bedroom, on the other hand; you have to show him/her how to romance you. You can tell them what you like but often you find it’s better to show them.

 

Family is important

If you don’t like his/her’s parents, you should run. If you don’t want to settle down someday, you should run. They won’t sacrifice their family for you (unless they hate them). They also want to start a family of their own.

How to tell if a Scorpio is in love with you

I recently read this thing that said, “Scorpio will let you in.” I wouldn’t take that as an indicator of love, they could even like you as a friend or are simply connecting with you. This is my take, you don’t have to agree with it! I don’t care. Everyone is different.

#1 They look hot
Like all the time because they want nothing more then to seduce you!

#2 They act crazier then usual
They say things that don’t make sense, ask you if you’re cheating on them, and sometimes talk too much or too little. They confuse the shit out of you. (Why? Because they haven’t fully figured you out yet so can’t behave in a way that is appropriate and won’t bother you.)

#3 They make it known they want you
They talk about sex and engage in sexual activities with you. They even ask you questions about you, your life, and what you want. It’s not all about them.

#4 They do things for you
Smalls things you like. They don’t spend a lot of money if they don’t have it. (If they had money, they would be afraid to spend it on you because what if you don’t feel the same way, cheat on them, or stay with them only for the money?)

#5 It doesn’t take them forever to respond to you
They don’t ignore your texts, they hate the feeling of being ignored. Why would they do it? They wouldn’t. They respond within minutes or hours to a text. If they’re busy or need space though, leave them alone. Let them come to you…

#6 How they act around you
Do they love kissing you? Holding you? Cuddling? They’re in love. If they’re pulling away from you; you either pissed them off, been friend zoned, or they think you’re disgusting.

#7 They act like they don’t care
They’re passive and try not to wear their heart on their sleeve. They’re quiet and mysterious, you don’t know what’s on their mind. (They’re not doing this because of anything you did. They don’t want to let their guard down.)

#8 They let go
It’s hard for Scorpio to love because they get attached. They have a history of getting burnt badly in past relationships. If they’re able to let go of past feelings a bit and express themselves to you… They’re in love.

#9 The way they look at you
Do they look at you like you’re meat? Or do they look at you like they want to marry you? I can’t tell you what those two looks look like but you will be able to tell yourself…

#10 How they treat you
They don’t call you names, disrespect you, or make you do anything you don’t want to do. (They expect the same thing in return if you can’t give it, someone else will because they’re that amazing.)

Sources:
A Scorpio that knows/knew a lot of Scorpio

Why I can’t be an Astrologer

I know nothing about the planets, science, or math.

 

My astrology forecast would look like this…

9PM: Sorry I couldn’t send this message sooner… There is full moon and stars shinning bright in the sky. I’m guessing the moon is in Taurus because the sun is in Taurus. It means, you are going to want to binge eat soon.

 

“He is an Aries, I am a Pisces. Should we date?”

My response: “I don’t care, date whoever you want. There is more to astrology then the sun sign.”

 

“I am a Pisces, he is a Libra.”

“You care what his sign is? So you’re more emotional and he is more detached. Good luck.”

 

How to read horoscopes…

 

Today you are going to win a lot of money.

What, you didn’t win money? That’s because Jupiter started acting stupid.