Things I’m already over with in 2020

Celebrity makeup lines
We’ve heard it 50 million times now by pretty much everyone.

Makeup. Period.
How many more palettes and foundations does the world need? At least it gives people that aren’t millionaires already jobs.

Waiting in lines to get coffee
I’m too lazy to make it myself but I have a coffee maker!? It’s free to make but what the fuck well I’m bored with everything they sell in stores too.

Marriage. Babies.
Yeah, I’m aware I’m married and have a baby! That’s the point. They both irritate the shit out of me and I wonder why I did any of it in the first place. And no, I’m not even thinking about another!

Facebook
Yeah, the first week of January in 2020 I was gone. It was the BEST decision I’ve made on the internet in my life!

Etsy
Okay, I’ll be fair a lot of people were good crafters and sellers BUT that one, that didn’t respond and try to make me look stupid to get my money — I’m done. I got my money back so they can kiss my ass.

Publishing on Amazon!?!
They take a lot of your profit. And the playing field is huge, obviously. I don’t care if I’m a known writer, I care if I’m making more then $6 when I publish shit.

Election
I don’t know whose running or really care. I may or may not vote. Bite me. All that matters is Trump is out of the office and less an idiot takes over.

My hair
I’ve had ‘platinum’ or ‘near platinum’ blonde hair for years. Natural when I was younger until I hit like 16 — I started coloring it because I didn’t like more roots were darker? I used some natural light blonde product on it with no bleach. Around when I was 18 I was like holly fuck, my hair looks like it’s turning red (a strawberry blonde?) so I started using blonde dye with little bleach in it. And here I am, 30 and seeing those same undertones in my hair. So I wonder… no I’d probably regret it.

Pregnancy body

So I gained between the normal 20-35lbs and lost 20+ within the first week of giving birth. Here I am 2 months after the fact and I still look like I did when I was 2-3 months pregnant and don’t want to step on a scale.

Why? Because your skin stretches and it’s unrealistic to expect to return to your pre-pregnancy body quickly. I’m lucky I only have stretch marks on my thighs. That’s all I can say. I can only look in the mirror and at how my clothes fit. The scale tells me nothing.

I don’t buy the whole ‘breastfeeding helps you lose weight’ well, for me it didn’t. If anything, making myself do some weird MMA bootcamp shit did. Judge me all you want. I had to quit breastfeeding though I was mass producing and had no issue making milk. It was too much work. I had to pump every 2-3 hours because my engorgement issues. I developed some digestive issues that my baby got as well from something I ate. And my baby had jaundice and had to eat every 2-3 hours. Like it wasn’t enough trying to lact a screaming baby and being the one and only person to wake up numerous times at night to feed her. (Even with formula, you still have to get up. Now it’s only once a night because she is older — not because how I’m feeding her.)

Four weeks postpartum I was back at the gym doing things I probably shouldn’t have been doing. I had no back strength. I could hardly do a sit-up. I did it anyway. I ignored the whole ‘your pelvis is open’ thing. I did it all based on how I was feeling and didn’t listen to the doctors or other people’s opinion. Was it smart? I don’t know but I made it through. Now my arms are stronger. Could be from working out. Could be from carrying around a 12 pound baby all day. Or both.

Do I worry my skin or body won’t go back to where it was? Maybe a little. My mother had six kids and her stomach was a war zone. Full of stretch marks and some saggy skin. I’m not having six kids so I may not have that. My only goal is to look like I did before I was pregnant or close. I’m the worst example to follow. I don’t know why the hell any gym is considering hire me. Not everyone is insane like me. Not everyone has recently thrown out some girls shoulder sparring.

Make it or Break it?

Laws of attraction? Everyone is different and don’t look for the same thing in their potential lovers. These are my make it/break it things. Don’t take this too seriously, I mean nothing by it. My only intention is to get you thinking about what your make it/break it.

 
 

Men

 

Make it
Some facial hair

Break it
Looks like a pedophile

 

Make it
Nice short hair

Break it
Long hair

 

Make it
Nice arms

Break it
I have more muscles than him

 

Women

 

Make it
Born a female

Break it
Use to be a man

 

Make it
Beautiful hair

Break it
Short hair or weird colors

 

Make it
Nice legs

Break it
Big muscular arms

 

Both genders

 

Make it
Are in good shape

Break it
Obese

 

Make it
Can have an interesting conversation with

Break it
Only knows about a few subjects

 

Make it
A sense of humor

Break it
Dry, boring

 

Make it
Is also a writer and/or creative type of person

Break it
Has an issue with writers and/or creative people

 

Make it
Likes to have fun and try new things

Break it
Would rather watch television all day

 

Make it
Doesn’t smoke, abuse drugs or alcohol

Break it
Smokes, abuses drugs or alcohol

 

Make it
No kids

Break it
Kids