Agh

I am mad
I’ve tried everything
I could to forget about it
I talked to people about it
I talked to the source,
I ran, skated, focused on my baby, punched a bag, applied to other jobs,
got drunk, seduced my man, slept on it,
and went for a ride
there’s nothing left
for me to do but
move on
and try to get another job
again
what if I can’t?
the vicious cycle continues
it’s easy for me to ignore
everyone but kinda hard
when I’d have to face them
again
and I guess, go back
to my writing and hope
someday it’s enough
to get me the hell out

I used to be angry

before him
I didn’t know why
repressed emotions
from her death
and some other things
I kept well hidden

I said I’m not angry
anymore
he said bullshit
there’s a reason why
I’m ‘beating the crap
out of everything’
maybe he was right
the only expression
on my face was anger

Now it is blank
cold stone
I might as well be a robot
I think but I don’t feel
I loved again
it was gone
against my will
and wrong

I’m back to nothingness
like I was when
my mother passed
they exist
only in my dreams now