His voice

sounds familiar 

not quite like his was 

but too inviting 

I know he’s trying 

to be nice or professional 

yet the way he looks

at me says otherwise 

attraction maybe 

on whose or what end

I’ve hardly had a look

at his face 

he’s tan and has nice arms 

shit

I’m not doing that again 

though desks and empty 

places were fun 

of course

he’s on my mind
even if it’s been a year
since we spoke
and he ran from
everything

don’t tell him that
it’ll stroke his ego
he’s not the best
he’s the most
fucked up person
I’ve met
he looked good naked
and kept my head spinning

we were nothing more
then ‘friends with benefits’
employee-boss
but he stared in my eyes
I didn’t like and said
he loved me

I wondered why
but didn’t ask
I claimed I never said it back
might have slept out
that night in the back of my SUV
only he knows

Twin flame

His sun was my moon
my moon was opposite of his
his blue eyes stared
in the pits of my green
he could do push-ups on me
I could knee him in the nuts

He snorted coked
I was high a couple times
He drank at work
I kept my mouth shut
he was also my supervisor

He called me ‘hippie girl’
said he loved me and wanted
to run away with me
I never said those words
I thought he wasn’t serious
then he got arrested
quit and ran from the cops
without me

My life went on
without him
I had a baby in July 2019
a year after we were
high and drunk at a party
and he said he was
falling in love with me

No, it’s not his
No, I didn’t name
my daughter after him
but time to time I think
how could someone be
insane like him?

Past two years

My mother got in a car accident. Her ribs were broken. Car destroyed. Her asshole boyfriend was okay. They stopped treating her cancer. She was too weak.

I got engaged outside a hockey arena. I moved in with my fiancé in his parents house. I hated it but it was closer to work. I showed my mother my dress. She never saw me walk down the aisle in it. She died a few months before my wedding.

I got married. I had an affair with my supervisor. I have yet to claim it was manipulated or abuse. All I know is, never again and he’s behind bars somewhere.

I was sued for the lack of paying up something over a decade ago when I was 18. And now I have to sue my employer.

I started a novel exposing the so-called truth and it turned into fiction. Have to end out names and things to not get sued. Have to exaggerate details to tell a story.

I got pregnant. I was going to get an abortion knowing my past and current financial situation. I saw her heartbeat and kept it. Sometimes I wish I got one.

I got a DNA test and so did 2 of my sisters. Come to find out, 1 of them doesn’t have the same father. We don’t know who it is. We knew my father cheated and took her money. We didn’t know she went out with men when he was away.

Does it matter? No. They broke up. She’s dead and carries that secret to her grave. Now I live with the question, what am I going to die with? Why does it seem like I’ve spent my life running and for what? I’m being lied to. It’s a game for everyone.

My dear

You’re funny
you’re cute
you’ve a job
that’s cool

I can’t be with you
I’m older and more arrogant
than you

I don’t know how much experience
you have but I think I have more
I have a list of things I’ve done
and know what I’m capable of

I will use you like I’ve used the rest
keep you as an option in case
it doesn’t work with someone else
hook up with you once or a couple of times
kick you to the curb and get back with someone else

Nothing you say or do will
change me
break me
convince me
phase me

I don’t care about you
I don’t even care about myself
there’s only a few people I care about enough
to make some sort of an effort not to resort back to old self
some old teachers remind me
I’m only human

Threesome: Is it cheating?

You’re all adults. You’re old enough to decide who you sleep with, how many people you sleep with, and what you do in the bedroom. Unless you were raped, you can’t say you did something you didn’t want to do.

(Of course drugs or alcohol could influence your decision but it was your choice to put that into your body.)

You want to accuse your partner of cheating or being unfaithful because they had sex with someone else in front of you. But then, you had sex with the same person they did. You think it was ‘same sex’ so it doesn’t count. It still counts, your were all over each other.

If your primary partner has sex with the third person when you leave, it’s cheating. You did not discuss or agree to that. They did it behind your back. Neither one of them are faithful and cannot be trusted. Forget them.