Matter is

she doesn’t have
any drama
she’s sick of
the shitshow
on the internet

she’s stable
but sometimes
fucked up
when her brain
thinks about him again

‘oh, why didn’t I runaway
when I had the chance?’
because she’s an idiot
she chose ‘stability’
over ‘being in love’
other words
she’s settled
do you blame her?
who wants to be on
the run with a criminal?

‘but other people…’
believe me she knows
none of them
she had such intensity
and an connection with

now her days are
waiting for shit to pass
and being a mother
sometimes she wonders
if the father is the father
and her hair is long
and full of secrets

She doesn’t want to talk
about herself
but this is her being
‘accountable’ again
to tell you she’ll be back
when she feels like it

How diets work

I’ll just eat less today.

Stuffs face with potato chips and pizza.

 

Maybe, if I ate more veggies…

Has a side of chocolate cake instead.

 

I’ll drink less alcohol.

Skips getting drunk once for a weekend.

 

I’ll stop eating so much junk.

Eats donuts for breakfast, McDonalds for lunch, snacks on candy the rest of the day until dinner… tacos.

 

Maybe, if I ate more protein.

Reeses is protein right? It has peanut butter.

 

I should stop drinking so much soda.

Replaces regular soda with diet.

 

I could stop drinking so much coffee.

LOL. I am not cutting back on my coffee.
 

Why I avoid you

Behind the doors I hear,

“She didn’t say goodbye when she leaved.”

Excuse me, when is the last time you talked to me?

Last I knew you were speaking of how stupid and bitchy I am and how annoying, rude, and an ass my boyfriend is — behind my back.

You come around here and you ask me if I want to go out and do thing with you — like we are close or something.

That’s funny, when is the last time we texted? Years ago. When is the last time we hung out when I felt you weren’t judging me or trying to start an argument.

The truth hurts. We may be blood but we have nothing in common. Unlike you, I won’t pretend or make an effort. Can’t help I have a low opinion after I witnessed all of this and you seeking attention on social media for years.

Now I sound like an ass just like you all wanted. I am the bad guy because I won’t pretend. So shoot me because you don’t have the balls to speak, think, and act yourself.

Affairs, affairs

“I swear I will never cheat again.”

The second we breakup I call my ex. Even if I told you about it it’s still considered cheating in your head because we ‘didn’t really breakup’ because we got back together.

 

“We are just friends, I gave him my number to talk that is all.”

I don’t text or call him. You know he’s the backup plan if we get in a huge argument or breakup. And this guy knows, he doesn’t care. He continues to text me and I continue to ignore because I’m in a relationship I don’t want to lead him on. I mean I already told him his place with me, he doesn’t get it. So I’m supposed to delete texts, not add a pass code on my phone — can’t block numbers.

 

“This is all talk, I don’t mean it.”

Of course I do. I wouldn’t go out there and act or hit on some guy though. Relationships are clearly not my speciality. I can say all this stuff about them but I don’t know how it’s really supposed to be. A girl can dream. Unless I feel secure I really can’t mean what I say. It’s like reaching for a million dollars I will never have.