‘You’re calm and not a weirdo’

she said staring at my blonde hair. I can say I’ve never heard those two words in the same sentence at a job interview in my life, ever.

I’m thinking, you think I’m calm? Yes. I’m in public and at an interview, of course I am. I’m only batshit crazy at night when my husband pisses me off. It’s honestly not hard to piss me off, I’m an expert at hiding it and either walking out or exploding if it’s serious. But let’s not talk about it.

I’m in my early thirties, by now I know how to carry myself and read people. It’s not rocket science. I am weird. I don’t pretend but I also don’t go around batshit either. I’m up before sunrise and go to the gym or run. I only drink iced coffee. I have a Bachelors degree and nothing but shitty jobs to show for it. Let’s not talk about the stories I self-published, my past, or family. And especially not anything that goes on in my head…

Common endings

‘Romeo and Juliet’ type scenario
A love that is forbidden and doesn’t sense to family, friends, outsiders, society, culture, etc. And then in the end they both die and stay together for eternity. So romantic. So romantically stupid. You should just let your fucking characters live as if they were real people.

 

‘Will you marry me?’
Yeah because every story in real life ends with ‘will you marry me’? No, that’s another chapter in life.

 

A wedding
Yeah because weddings are awesome and everyone enjoys seeing one. Haha. As much as we do want our characters to be happy, we don’t need to close their story out that way. There has to be something that happens after you get married, right?

 

Proposal, marriage, and babies
Why? That’s how we think it should go. People get married and have babies. Yes. We still want to believe there’s more chapters in life than that. You know, marriages end. Family members die. Your babies grow up. You change jobs. You may travel some places.

 

Or…

Graduations
Ceremonies
Parties
Trips

 

All events that happen in life but common, so boring and unoriginal. Something different…

The best note I ever left

‘I should not under any circumstances deal with passive aggressiveness every time there’s an issue with my daughter… not a coincidence when something happens and the next day, another petty thing.’ I left the damn keys in the closet with my uniform shirts and left without a word. Few hours later she asked me when I’m returning from lunch. I didn’t respond.

My best attempt at still trying to be ‘professional’ and straight to the point before I walked away.

What I really meant? Haha, prepare yourself.

The review I read about having to be a “yes man” to work there is true. I’ve been biting my tongue and fighting my urge to fucking leave for six months now. I do my job so fast and well you’re busy looking for stupid shit because you’re bored. Cobwebs? A little dust in a corner? A tiny mark on the toilet seat? Really!? You know the only people that find those things are looking for it or OCD!

Anyway, your problem with me is I didn’t “Hello” or “Good morning” most of the time. Why the hell would I go out of my way to talk to you? I don’t give a shit if you’re my ‘supervisor’. It should be nice when I do it but not expected all the time. Then, well my daughter is sick. Not Covid. Not something I made up to call off of work. You had kids you should know how that is. It’s not like I called off to get out of working. If you didn’t believe me you could have requested a doctors note. Did you? No. Instead you’re all blah blah blah you’re ‘too fast’ and I want you to do more boring detail work.

‘And also the fire extinguishers…’ listen you dumb bitch I’ve told you months ago what was going on with them. And I’ve also been doing the same shit the past six months. Now it’s an issue because I called off for my daughter!? Really? REALLY!?!?!?!? Someone was on a power trip AGAIN because something didn’t go her way. And I’m permanently done being some fucking servant for slow boringass people.

Anger issues

Slow people
Hurry up or get the fuck out of my way

Slow drivers
MOVE or I’ll make you move I’ve already planned out every scenario in my head

WTF did you call me!?
It’s one thing to say my name wrong, another to give me a nickname without asking me if anyone calls me it! You have a death wish? I’ll plan your funeral Kenny. Not your name? HAHA piss off.

“Hi, how are you?”
“The weather…”
“How was your day?”
BLAH BLAH BLAH. Enough with the fucking small talk. I don’t like you. I don’t want to speak to you. Fact, I don’t like anyone in this dump. It kills and drains my soul having to be fake nice to you mindless kissasses.

‘Why do you leave early?’
Because I don’t want to fucking be here. It’s also bullshit I’m constantly early and none of you idiots can be on time.

‘My friend I think you need to let me fuck you, you’re obviously not happy’
HAHAHAHA. I already fucked you numerous times in the past. It’s not life changing. I don’t have issues there. And I wondered why you’re still single — not.

Sometimes I wish I was single
I’m basically alone it’s too much work listening to a big whineass everyday

And no that’s not why I’m like the way I am so piss off

‘Sexual harassment’ at work

Mandatory meeting, they said.
Why, nobody is getting harassed?
That I know or care to know of.
I know someone called the owner a narcissist and you only do well if
you’re a “yes man”.

I can somewhat see how that’s true
counting the few comments in the passing
or just this weird vibe he gives off
he asked me to be in a commercial
with him, why? I’m not being a
narcissistic but we all know
I’m the most attractive female here
because I’m ‘young’
so why not try to make yourself
look good? I declined
I don’t give a fuck about
‘gaining popularity’
last thing I want is people
coming here and thinking I sell shit
I don’t
it’s bad enough everyone refuses
to ‘do their part’ and disinfectant
the store, nope I was called upon
to do it along with everything else

I’m off subject
only comment someone has made to me
is “damn” and looked at my ass
he’s ‘special needs’ and has
no idea when he’s being inappropriate
is that an excuse, no?

I almost gaged at the part
‘don’t have sexual relationships at work, have them outside if you’re both consenting it’s not harassment’
why? Gee, perhaps I had sexual
relationships with men at a job
not here, the men are all boring
or too old
one of the few times I take pride
nobody has a clue about
my past or who I am
thank god

“We’re essential,”

he said. Why? Because they now sell appliances? You know, back in the old days people had to wash everything by hand. Essential? My ass. Like the owner will do anything to stay in business. You can bet your ass I’m going to report him if I’m pushed to work if another shutdown happens. Not because I’m lazy. I have a one year old daughter. I don’t want to be out in this shit. Hell, I order everything online. A privilege I know, I’m sorry Amazon workers. You also shouldn’t be out in this shit.

My husband works at a car dealership as a manager of some sort. He’d be sent home. Why? Cars aren’t essential either. You’re sent home by the government, where the hell do you need to go? Exactly. In old times people also took buses, taxis, or farther more horses to get places. Cars are also a luxury.

So if there’s anything you learn at all what is necessary, think of the shit you have and don’t necessarily need. I bet somewhere one of your ancestors is laughing and rolling their eyes at you.

31 drunk thoughts

1. Halloween is on 31 and I’m going to be 31 in a week. Fuck.
2. I’m feeling weird like the first time I was pregnant. No, I don’t have coronavirus bitch.
3. What is this?
4. I had a drink where did it go?
5. Maybe I shouldn’t be drinking if I think I’m pregnant. I don’t seriously think I am. Do I?
6. I’d love to smash some pumpkins.
7. Monday I’m not going in.
8. Bitches would take me back part time.
That’s funny, you know I left?
9. Ironic, because he was trying to sleep with me too.
10. I haven’t ever heard back from them so I don’t know why they’re stalking my feed.
11. Thinking about hiring me? No. Do I look like I was born yesterday.
12. Hmmm maybe I should no.
13. There’s something in my nose.
14. I’m going to be out in about 20 mins.
15. Yeah, I’m waking up with a headache.
16. What is that noise?
17. It’s the sound of me dying again.
18. Maybe I should.
19. No.
20. No.
21. Fuck it. Why the fuck do I care? I don’t.
22. Yes.
23. No.
24. I’m bored.
25. I need to forget everything.
26. This is the wrong stuff.
27. The fuck, sometimes I get so mad and wonder why I stopped smoking weed.
28. Maybe that’s my problem.
29. Who cares.
30. I don’t because I’ve no idea when I’m going to be drug tested.
31. Whose creeping now?

So intriguing

I am, you watch me
do what? Post pictures and videos
of my daughter haha
like millions of other people

Why is that?
I don’t know
I don’t have the
slightest clue who
you are
don’t matter

it’s not like I’m
going to provide
my life story
and personal business
on my feed
that’s why I have novels
I hardly mention
among other things
I’m not a millennial
that enjoys ‘self-promoting’
I also never say where I work
why? I fucking hate it
and don’t want anyone showing up

So my daughter is cute
I’m a mother
should have followed me
years ago when I wasn’t
in this life
maybe I would have been
more fascinating
and less likely to swollen
my pride
haha, yeah right
I was never an open book
that’s what made me a ‘writer’

Atypical

white rich man
dresses in suits
drives some expensive
sport car that sucks
in the snow
has Trump stickers,
hats, signs, etc
all over his office
to vote for him
because you don’t
like or trust the other candidate
is one thing but to actually
full on support and like him
is another… in my opinion

I’m forced to go in
each morning
and collect his trash
I can tell he never
brings anything,
always orders
I did too, when I worked
at a mall with disgusting food
who am I to judge
no one

Exactly my point
you’re old enough
to be my father
I don’t want any
stupid flowers or
awkward conversations
and interactions with you
cut the chase
no, I’m not going there
with you
I’d sleep with the man
moving all shit around
before you
and he doesn’t even
have a car

Odd questions at work

Do you have a razor blade?
Yes, I totally come to work and shave my business! Not.

How tall are you?
How tall does it look? I’m not short or tall. I’m boring average.

Do you have any tissues?
Nope. Let me not check my bag or car. Still no. If you’re sick, should you really be at work with what’s going on?

Where can I find windex?
Have you tried the store or Walmart? I’m not packing that either.

You’re pretty, did you take my money?
I don’t sell shit, so no. If you’re applying you’ll pay me $1,000+ for a stupid chair maybe I should reconsider.

How long have you been married?
3 years next month. Means nothing. We’d been together 8+ years. Why? You’re not my type. As if I really have a type, I don’t… very minimum he can’t be slow.

What is your relationship with the owner?
I have none. A few interactions here and there.

Have you ever pissed him off?
Not yet, or that I know of. I’m not trying to get fired or my hours cut!