Everyone wakes up in the morning with their head in the shitter vomiting.
That’s what we’ve seen on television anyway, our entire life. Then you grow up and see people that don’t get sick at all — and think it has to do with baby’s gender. If it’s a girl, it should make you more sick they say. Though there’s no real hard scientific evidence to backup the claim. They say it has to do with how you handle your hormone levels raising. But people still shut it out and believe what they want to believe.
I’m ten weeks at this point. I’m lucky, I haven’t been throwing up. Though I felt like it a lot. Then I found ways to try to make myself less nauseous — like Seabands or Unison. My doctor also recommended sucking on hard candy which was like a 5 second fix. Then I learned that part of the reason I’m nauseous is because I need to eat. That’s especially true in the morning. Head off the walls, if I don’t do it now… I’ll vomit! So I do it. I never enjoyed vomiting. Who actually does?
And no, I still don’t know the sex. I’m also sick of people asking me how I feel. Like, I’m pregnant — I’m not dying. Take the Hollywood image of it out of your head.
Why didn’t you respond to my text?
You texted me? I blocked your cell phone number.
Did you miss me?
I miss the sex, I don’t miss you so much.
Do you love me?
I loved you but I don’t anymore. Okay, maybe I do love you. Not in the sense I want to marry you, in the sense I don’t want to hurt you.
Would you consider getting back with me?
No, yes, no, yes, no. It depends, are you still flirting with/screwing everyone you see?
Why did you break up with me?
I was still in love with my ex boyfriend.
You loved your ex more than you loved me?
Yes. I mean, we’ve been together for four years.
So you choose him over me?
Will you go out with me?
Maybe if I was single.
Why did you make it difficult to see me when you were single?
I knew you only wanted to see me to have sex and I had a million other things going on my in my life. The last thing I wanted to be was some guy’s booty call.
Went like this…
You deleted my number?
A long time ago
I want to see you, it’s been awhile
I have a boyfriend
So he doesn’t have to know, we can just hangout
I’m good I’m not a cheat and I don’t play that game
But he doesn’t treat you well
Better than you and you don’t know him
Give me a chance this time we will go places and do more things
You had your chance
I miss you and your tight pussy
It’s all about sex with you
I want to be more
What? You love me? You’ve been persistent in contacting me every single day though I blocked your number
In terms of?
You miss me?
No I don’t love you and you don’t really love me either
Yeah, let’s make it more
I don’t know about that
I miss fucking you
Find a whore or blowup doll
Do you love me?
I don’t know what love is.
How much you love me?
I don’t know, how much do you love me?
It was really awkward.
I don’t love him.
Why didn’t you just tell him that?
Maybe I will next time I see him.
Why are you going to see someone you don’t love?
He’s good in bed.
Moral of the story: See someone you don’t love because they’re good in bed?
“Why do you want to work for us?”
The money tree still isn’t growing.
“Why did you leave your last job?”
Old people harassing me. Okay… It was really a temporary job which meant ‘dump you whenever, bitch’.
“What did you learn in college that will help you with this job?”
When I’m pissed off, I’ll write about it and post it on the internet. Don’t worry, I won’t provide your name until I get published.
“Can you do a background check and drug test?”
I can but it’s a waste of time. You should ask me to do a pregnancy or STD test.
“What other qualifications do you have for this position?”
None. I was hoping you were dumb enough to hire me.
“What are your salary requirements?”
“When are you available to start?”
After I take a piss.
INT. LIVING ROOM — DAY
GIRL (20s) and GUY (20s) sit on the couch in front of the television. Guy takes out his cell phone and strolls through his text messages. Girl looks at him furiously.
Who are you texting?
Thought you said you don’t have a sister?
Right, it’s my mother.
You said your mother is dead.
EXT. PARK — DAY
Guy and Girl sit on the beach. Kids behind them LAUGH and SCREAM. They stare at each other.
What were you doing last night?
I told you, I was working.
Then why were you posting Facebook status’ at 4am?
I wasn’t! Check the time.
Guy moves closer to Girl. His face turns red, his eyes water.
Don’t need too, I know you were out with him. Why don’t you admit it!?
Girl backs away from Guy.
With who? My brother.
Your ex. If not, why are you still talking to him?
Why are you going through my text messages?
It couldn’t be because you cheated on me once.
Girl gets up and walks away.
What are you writing about?
I’m writing about mirrors.
What’s next drugs?
Already did. Right now I’m writing a screen script with an alcoholic/pot head.
You’re messed up.
I know, and you aren’t?
I’m special — there’s a difference. What’s your excuse?
Shitting your pants doesn’t count as “special”.
It takes a lot of talent.
I bet it does.
What else do you do?
I workout. I dance. I run. I paint. I take pictures. What am I supposed to do? Sit around on my laptop all day?
That’s what writers do.
Maybe — the very sad, lonely ones.
That’s when you start to take drinking up.
I don’t know. You should. Maybe you would be more social.
How is that social?
Go to bars, see people.
I do that already. I’m fine —
You need —
I don’t need anything.
I just want to be happy.
Tell me about yourself? What are your hobbies, interests, and abilities?
Is drinking a lot of coffee a sport? If It is, I’m almost a professional coffee drinker.
Interests. I need to bomb everything with color — or make myself go almost deaf with awful pop music.
Abilities. Did I mention I’m really good at swearing? I could almost be a fucking professional in running my fucking mouth.Why the fuck can’t I do that with my fucking life? Fuck me. I’m fucking fucked.
Are you able to lift 50+ pounds?
If you’re talking about heads and people, I can do that — in my mind. I’m not superman.
Tell me about your past work experience?
When I was twenty-one I sent nude pictures to Playboy.
Have you ever convicted a crime/felony?
Relationships causalities? Oh yeah. I was a little whore.
Why do you want to work for us?
I need money. I don’t feel like taking my clothes off in front of a camera, though it is an option…