Curious questions


What do you do?

What do you mean? I don’t sit around and write poetry and manuscripts. I have a real job and I’m a mother. 

Why don’t your parents watch your daughter?

My parents are dead. When my father was alive he wouldn’t, he was gambling and wandering streets. I only saw him a few times a year. 

Do you have other family? 

Five siblings spread all over the place. I know what you’re going to ask me and the answer is no. It’s next to impossible for them to see my daughter and even me. 

What happened to your parents?

Is this an interrogation about my family or you’re trying to stick your nose in places it doesn’t belong? My mother died of cancer in 2017. My father was hit and killed by a car the day before Thanksgiving in 2020. 

We didn’t know you were applying to be a cop. Why? It doesn’t seem like you. 

Do you know me? No. I’m bored with my life and I found an opportunity and applied. Also, maybe it has to do with my mother. She was a security guard and I thought she was a cop when I was little because she chased some bad guy and got him arrested. 

Blah blah blah blah blah. Why? How? 

What? I wasn’t paying attention. I strongly suggest you back the fuck off. You don’t know me or what I’m capable of. 

“Sexy smart lady”

he said. He’s so impressed by my life choices from what I drive and up and leaving workplaces. Haha. Is that supposed to charm my pants off and make me want to sleep with him? It doesn’t. We’ve done it before — several times. We even tried dating each other open and ‘exclusively’ a handful of times.

So what? We’re ’friends that talk and never see each other’. Why? I’m a mother. That’s the only thing that’s changed between us. He may flirt but I don’t even respond with anything suggestive or serious. Why play the game 20 year olds do? We’re in our 30s.

I’d be lying if I said I don’t like him. Obviously I do if I’m still talking to him after all this time. I never wanted to give him false hope. He was the guy I saw everytime I was conflicted over someone else. I never picked him though. He thought it was because he wasn’t enough. No, it’s because some things aren’t meant for you. We’re better off as ‘friends’.

Always the one

aware of my surroundings
know whose watching
and doesn’t care

I’ll come in
and leave on my clock
why the hell do I have
to wait for everyone else?
I don’t

I’m nothing special
but I’m also not one
you can play or fool
all are imaginary strings
that don’t exist

so you’re right
I won’t last long
I’m not a puppet
I am the one pulling
the strings you think exist
you expect me to
kiss your ass
and worship the ground
you walk on? not going
to happen

I may still have
no clear direction
where I’m going
but I know this
1. Fuck you.
2. I’m not a servant.
3. There’s a million other things I could be doing.

“We married our first love,”

said some broad from a 90s show I heard but didn’t watch. She also said that’s why they were divorced or not happy. Then I can’t help but think of my first love.

To be honest, I don’t even know. I’ve been in and out of love numerous times in my life. So it makes me wonder, what is the legit feeling? The feeling of being ‘in love’ fades whether you’re with someone for six months or years.

I think back to when I was seventeen and ‘in love’ with this guy from Argentina. I talked to him for years and he helped me get over my middle school crush I blamed for my eating disorder back then. ‘He liked a model and it wasn’t me, I’m blahblahblah’ teenager garbage. Long story short I eventually met him and my mother sent my big brother to kick his ass. She was pissed I met someone off the internet. We still snuck around and talked. We were going to runaway to NYC and get married. My dream was to be a model (HAHA) and he wanted to be director. He asked me to marry him and even started working on my ring.

I’m not sure what happened next but I guess, I developed a crush on a college boy and he was history. Then I had one relationship after another, sometimes with multiple people, and told him about it. So, we still talked only as friends and occasionally do to this day.

Now I’m married and have an one and half year old. He’s still single but I guess he’s happy in whatever country he’s in doing photography. My dream is and always been writing and editing. It’s crazy to think it’s been fourteen years.

Manipulation 101

Do your work, mind your business
Nobody suspects a thing.

Lie correctly
I’m not talking about ‘I got to go wash my dog’ excuses few people may have already picked up you don’t have one. Think of something that’d actually be true in your life.

Keep everything clean
What does that mean? What I said. If you have zero tracks people will believe anything you say whether they know you or not.

Think before you speak
Obviously, if you’re trying to come across a certain way or want to remain a mystery — pick and choose what you say or don’t.

Why are you doing it?
If you have truly ill intentions, it will blow back in your face. If you’re doing it to cover your ass for other valid reasons, okay. Or maybe you don’t want to be seen, so what. Nobody will know but you and maybe a therapist if you ever seek professional help.

And of course
Keep a low profile. Don’t engage with people unless you have too although small talk is torture.

Missing Link

Ten victims shot at an abandoned warehouse. The main suspect is a dead woman named Isabella Trail. Tough case for investigators Alex Levine and Mitch Davis. They’re left with more questions than answers. Why is a dead woman’s DNA at the scene? What does she have to do with it? What was the killers motive? Is it all connected? Alex and Mitch find the answers where they least expect it.

Published: December 30, 2020. The last of 2020.

Inspiration: It was started during lockdown in 2020. I was playing one of those story apps and notice a lot of them were about crimes or the mafia (no, I’m not writing about that probably ever). So, I thought I should write a crime story so I did. I had half the story written. I ran into a deadend with my characters, or so I thought. I honestly got bored and distracted with everything going on. I felt I needed to somewhat right about a virus or ‘end of the world’ story instead. I put ‘Missing Link’ aside. I wrote and published ‘Aurora Virus’ instead. As far as titles go, I never know what the story is going to be called until the end. I choose the ‘Missing Link’ because it seemed to fit. Two federal agents investigating a crime and not finding many clue. Yeah, it happened at a warehouse but it seemed pretty lame calling my story, “The Warehouse.”

What’s his name

he’s tall
he’s jacked
he’s the only one
around here I had a
few conversations with
he knows my name
I don’t know his

maybe it’s
for the best
I know myself
too well
one thing will lead
to another
and that’s that
I have the tendency
not to get attached
but they do
I’m at my point in life
I don’t need that
it doesn’t mean
a thing

What things mean before & after you marry

“Pay attention to me”

Before
I want to cuddle/have sex.

After
You’re not listening. Shut up. Why don’t you give me a massage anymore? Let’s cuddle. Nevermind, I’m bored let’s have sex and fall asleep.

 

“I’m fine”

Before
I’m not telling you what’s wrong. I guess you’ll see.

After
You should know what the issue is. I’m quiet because I’m pissed. Anything to say or do after this point may or may not be held against you.

 

“I’m not happy in our relationship”

Before
I’m not convinced you’re the one for me and need reasons to stay.

After
You’re walking on thin ice, be careful.

 

“You have pretty eyes”

Before
I really think you do…

After
I want something.

 

“How much money do you have in your account?”

Before
I’d never ask you that.

After
I want you to make my car payment.

 

“How much did you spend on that?”

Before
It looks cheap/expensive.

After
You better not have spent too much. If you do, why aren’t you pitching more in for bills and stuff?

 

“I love you”

Before
Nothing, genuinely do.

After
I only say it when I want something.

 

“I’m sick of doing all the work”

Before
Probably actually referring to work.

After
Referring to work, relationship, house, and/or bed.

Sincerely, the critics

That’s not straight enough.
You missed a spot.
That’s a little dusty.
It smells over there.

Why don’t you get off your ass and do something? Oh, because you’re lazy and expect me too like I don’t literally take card of everything already.
You don’t have enough experience.

 
That’s cute but what does your written work qualify you for an actual job?
What does your experience mean? You can polish my shoes or sleep with all the men? Haha.
You’re pretty but well that’s it.

I’m overqualified to be managed by anyone. You need me a lot more than I need you. What I have nobody else does is, drive and energy. If you can’t see that, you can kiss my ass.

Honest cover letter

Dear whoever reads this,

I have no experience in any of the positions I’m applying for. Why on Earth would you pick me? I’m a good worker better than the vast majority that goes by doing the minimum, gossips, or sits on their ass all day.

‘But you have nothing but a writing and cleaning background.’ Yeah, so I got out of college and never found a writing or editing job in this area. ‘What about online?’ Believe me I looked and continue to do so. Do you know how many of them ask you for money to even see employment opportunities? Many. You don’t even find anything that’s not freelance. If I want to write freelance, I have a blog.

‘So why should I pick you among everyone else that has experience and better character than you?’ So don’t pick me, I don’t give a fuck. If I have to sell myself or change who I am, I’m not interested. And actually, I make as much; if not more chasing around bust bunnies all day.

Sincerely,
Don’t waste my time