Every call

They’re not picking up, can I try someone else?

*Someone else doesn’t pick up.*

I knew it. They hardly ever answer when I call them. And of course, I’ve to use the same lie every time “they’re with a customer”

I’ll try again later. 

I should have left that phone on night for someone else to deal with. Fuck this shit. 

Can you transfer me to ___ (another business with zero connection to us)?

Can you learn how to use Google? Piss off. 

I’ve been on hold for ten minutes nobody is picking up my call!

You’re bitching at me because? Guess what I’m putting you on hold again because it ain’t my job to deal with this shit. 

Can I have your electronics department?

We sell cell phones now?

I kycyockhxgcyckg koooycotcoogcooycoo *speaks broken English or there’s a lot of noise in background. 

Service? Their issue.

*Person keeps calling back because someone isn’t returning their calls

They’re not fucking working today, on lunch, left early, or actually with a customer. No, I can’t go get them. WTF do you think this is?

Itoyxiycooycoycoycfyc a full story about their issue as if you’re the one to solve it. 

I typically cut them off in the middle. Rude? Yes. I also don’t care. I get multiple calls at once AND work is dumped on me daily. I don’t have the time nor patience to listen. Complain to my supervisor. Oh wait, I can control if you talk to them. 

Forget about it

work after work
they think all I do is
answer the phone
no, I get to pickup
everyone else’s shit
and you know what?
I’m bad at math
I hate math
I hate people
kudos to the few
people who think
I don’t recognize them
or anything, despite
what you think or know
about me, I’ve an
excellent memory

next point, I have none
I honestly don’t care
but this one pain in the ass
won’t leave me alone
never stops teasing me
or being awkward
and I’m not patient
that’s my point
the question is how long?

Woman

I’m not going to
go get the manager
don’t ask me the same
question I just answered
I don’t know what goes
in other departments nor care

stop acting like
you’re going to burst
in tears or set the place
on fire must be
PMS or menopause
can’t relate
I’m a raging bitch
all the time
but better at hiding it

move on
you can’t
you don’t stop talking
at least shut up
enough so I can get
some writing
done in peace
haha
let’s tie this cord
around your neck
and make everything more
then it is
the end

Man

I am a writer
but I’m not a talker
you want to know
what I’m thinking
I’ll show you
you don’t
you’re afraid
behind that ego
you think you’re
too old
unappealing
and have to be
professional
at all times
let me tell you
it’s a joke
only people
with their heads
up their asses
give a shit

so maybe
you’re right
you’re unappealing
the egocentric
masked clown is
actually insecure
and doesn’t know
how to approach women
and you think
because I’m laughing
I don’t see it
honey, my gift is
seeing

Weirder

The guy went from small talk to asking me about my tattoos — to suggesting he workouts at the same gym as me, next to me. Why? I don’t know. I think he’s messing with me, or is he? He sounded serious when he said he wants to join. Even if so, I probably won’t ever see him. He doesn’t get up that early.

I’m used to men saying things like that because they’re imagining my ass in some tight leggings working out. And there’s nothing hotter than a woman that can kick your ass? He knows I can why is he pulling my chain? It’s fun.

Forget the fact nothing will probably ever happen. It’s so much more fun wasting time and energy playing around with something you’ll never have.

‘But sis you’re obviously attracted to him too’ Attraction comes and goes. It doesn’t mean I’m going to sleep with him.

So, she thinks

I definitely have

a type 

blue eyes 

big arms 

black hair 

some facial hair 

only the last

and handful of guys

I rendezvous with 

no wonder why

I’m drawn to him

what will happen?

probably nothing 

but hey, if I really 

wanted it too;

it would

they don’t know

how to react

around you

the ball is in 

your field

So, he thinks

I would

bang her but no

she’s younger than me

married and has

a daughter 

that’d be wrong 

on many levels 

and I am what?

out of shape 

she could

kick my ass

that’s kinda of hot 

but who am I kidding? 

never

she’s a little too giggly

towards me I can’t send

her the wrong vibe 

I’m not interested 

I like talking to her 

she’s interesting but 

can’t spell my name?

unless she did that

on purpose

how is she a writer 

if she can’t spell?

her titles are fucked up

I can’t find her on the internet 

why?

How to flirt with a writer

Who am I? What do I do?

You’re the pain in the ass I’m supposed to call. 

What’s the name of your favorite novel you wrote?

Ah which one?

When do I develop a title?

I always do at the end. 

Right you see I have this story with no title, am I doing it right?

Sure. 

Hi.

Hi. 

Hi. 

Hi. 


What are you thinking of?

Are you jacked? What do you look like with your shirt off? Fuck my life. 

Not my mother


my mother was given away 

I wasn’t 

she wouldn’t do that

to her children 

she grew up in the city

I grew up in a small town

she was on her own

when she was 15 

I lived with her until I was 27

for reasons outside

 of her having cancer 

she get off on her own

because she had no choice 

I did

not so sure what happened 

in her life before me or when

I was little but she had six kids

myself included and always worked

I have what one? I didn’t get 

even have sex in

high school because of her

my daughter came almost 

two years after her death

I know before she diagnosed 

she was always angry

I can’t say I am but I’m quick

to get pissed but I don’t stay 

that way (you wonder why

I’ve a short fuse, there you go

it is genetic)

she’d be mad and complain

about her boyfriend for hours

 so I guess we knew the truth 

of men early on but not so much

anything about her past really

who tells their kids the men 

they fucked or cheated on?

I wouldn’t but my daughter,

not talking about it isn’t

going to help you not 

make the same mistakes

No mother I don’t see you

as a cheat, I heard the phone calls

even if you were decades ago

it wouldn’t matter 

don’t turn in your grave 

I wouldn’t but yes, some secrets

people will never know about me

I can say,

the final months to the last moment 

I saw my mother

she wasn’t as angry

it’s like she knew

none of it mattered 

she said she did her job

she raised six kids

and it was my turn?

like I’d have that many 

I wouldn’t but

she was peaceful and falling

asleep the last time I saw her

unlike my father I saw video footage 

of him getting struck and killed 

by a car 

so your final moment

will say a lot about how 

you lived your life 

“I like your voice”

he said

I think it’s a lie

everyone should be

sick of me  

I’m sick of listening 

to myself

that’s what I do 

besides deal with people 

petty shit no one 

can be bothered with

all shit I hate 

I don’t know

how I ended up here 

beats cleaning and I 

get paid to 

‘work on my novels’

nobody knows

I stay in my lane

even if I thought 

something was attractive 

about him I sure as hell

wouldn’t say anything

unless we

exchanged numbers 

haha 

not happening 

been there done that 


you should hear my

true voice

yeah, when I’m yelling

at my husband or kid

or the fucking douchebag

driving