Cars kill people too

They don’t take away cars
just saying

I’m not going to sit here
and pretend I was close to
my father that ship has sailed
20 years ago
but he didn’t deserve it
nobody deserves to be
hit and killed by car
when they’re crossing
the street
it happens no one
even thinks about it
myself included

People take things
for granted like my father
took my mother
he was a serious gambler
did he pay his dues?
I don’t know
I know he called me
multiple times over the years
even when I was
teenager and refused to answer
only to ask me how I was
and tell me he loved me
I didn’t really reciprocate
why? well
try explaining
to your 11 year old
gambling was more important
than anything in else
in your life
he never even mentioned it

I don’t know why
I can’t help but think
maybe he knew my little sister
wasn’t actually his daughter
another ground for their spilt?
neither one of them was
monogamous and they both
carry that secret in their grave

My older siblings will dismiss
everything I say when he was
nothing but their angry step-father
there’s hard DNA evidence she is not his
hell, explain why my other sister
and I are Jewish and she is not?
Because she has a different father
my father was at least 50%

This situation
has me back at square one
where was he in my life?
gambling
how I wished he was a father
but he wasn’t
I had to deal with the narcissist
pretending to be
he ditched our family after my
mother’s death in a text
the day after I gave birth to my daughter
my father actually showed up
I don’t know how
but he did
he held her
he’s asked me questions about her
he’s even sent me cards every year
on my birthday every year after
they split
the last time I talked to him
was the day after my birthday
he was excited to see Ava
thanksgiving
that was cancelled by coronavirus
thank you
fuck you government
and officially
cancelled thanksgiving eve
forever
because someone can’t
pay attention when they’re driving

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