Tell me about yourself.
I’m a grownass woman. I’m married and have a one year old. I come from a history of shit jobs and have a college education. Oh, and I published some books you’ll never read on Amazon.
Why do you want to work for this company?
I don’t. I applied because you pay more per hour.
How much experience do you have in this field?
What you mean pushing buttons? Haha. It’s so easy my one year could do it.
Can you stand for a long period of time?
Have you even read my resume?
What makes you the ideal candidate for this job?
I don’t give a fuck.
Can you tell me more about your last job?
The owner didn’t want to pay me. The supervisor was trying to sleep with me. He knows I slept with a former supervisor and thought maybe I would. Haha. No.
Where do you see yourself within this company in 5 years?
I don’t. I don’t even want to work for you and have all these responsibilities dumped upon me.
Can you tell me about a time you went above and beyond?
For what? To get laid or paid? Lmao. Never. Nobody ever paid attention or gave two shits what I did.
Are you a team player?
Define what you mean. Are we playing a sport? Maybe. Are you trying to dump everyone’s shit on me? Fuck off.
How soon of a notice do you need if we were to hire you?
Soon enough so I can piss people off.