What I learned having a baby

I don’t want to do again. Hell, I didn’t even plan this.

I stand people less
Mainly in-law relatives I already wanted nothing to do with, now it’s worse. Then people at the grocery store that don’t want to leave us the fuck alone when we’re trying to get out of there!

Maybe I get my ego from my mother
I’m independent so much to the point I don’t ask for help nor want it. Why? Because the second I hand her to someone, say my husbands parents — they ask me a million questions or hands her back the second she fusses. I’m the only one that can handle her so I might as well. I don’t have parents at this point in my life. I don’t need you to parent me or my child!

Maybe I’m also controlling and over protective
Controlling in the stance — she has a certain time she goes to bed and a time period when she needs to eat or she’ll lose her shit. Over protective in the stance, again — I’m not convinced anyone, even her father can take care of her. I woke up one morning with him losing his shit SHOVING food down her throat! Since I’ve been doing pretty much all feedings…

The love and pride my mother had for her kids before she died
She mainly did it all, despite whatever life threw at her. The men in her life were insignificant. She’d give all her money and life for her kids to live.

Now I see, I don’t love him. I live with him and care for her sake. I may have gotten married too quick. I wasn’t ready to get married 3 months after she passed. I panicked. I had no where to go. I had no other place to live. I went through with it anyway. Then I got pregnant a year later and kept it because I saw/heard the heartbeat. I wouldn’t die for him. I wouldn’t risk anything in my life for his sake. For her I would.

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