‘What about us?’

He wondered
all the times he saw me
and I pretended he didn’t exist
I told him to leave me alone
I was trouble and didn’t know
what I wanted
though we both knew that
was a lie
and I wanted the badass
it wasn’t just psychical
I thought
we had a connection
I loved him
or I said I did anyway
to shot the other guy down
it worked
but he didn’t stop
looking at me
thinking of me
or being hurt
each and everyday
I intentionally ignored
the hell out of him
to push him away
not face the obvious
sexual attraction
and tension between us

Why?
in my mind it was
the right thing to do
I had two much going on
with two other people
last I needed was a third
I thought if I let him go
he’d find someone
that deserves him
that’s not as wild
and unpredictable as me
someone he doesn’t claim

‘led him on’ like I did
though I didn’t
it just didn’t happen
at the time
whether or not it will
that’s for us to decide
until then people will
say and think whatever
the hell they want
so what
we finally started talking again

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