1. Tell myself I’m going to start writing in the afternoon. Nine hours passed… I still got nothing.
2. The times I did sit down in front of a screen… I, eh… Went on Facebook and YouTube. I swear it’s not procrastinating… It’s part of my job to monitor people I can’t stand and make myself deaf with horrible music.
3. Drink ice coffee, eat ice cream, and drink soda… Because I don’t have alcohol and only drink if I know I’m getting sex later. My hand doesn’t count.
4. Question my sexuality and existence in this world.
5. Drink more soft drinks… That is why a Wikipedia website said I was working on putting Root Beer in the universe. Still waiting on that $900,000 net worth they said I have.
6. Type a few words on the screen. Okay not the screen, my cell phone.
7. Wait for more hours to pass… Eventually type a sentence.
Look out for my novel, “Ways I fucked up my life,” in stores 40 years from now.