Tell me about yourself? What are your hobbies, interests, and abilities?

Uhm…
Is drinking a lot of coffee a sport? If It is, I’m almost a professional coffee drinker.

Interests. I need to bomb everything with color — or make myself go almost deaf with awful pop music.

Abilities. Did I mention I’m really good at swearing? I could almost be a fucking professional in running my fucking mouth.Why the fuck can’t I do that with my fucking life? Fuck me. I’m fucking fucked.

Are you able to lift 50+ pounds?

Of what?
If you’re talking about heads and people, I can do that — in my mind. I’m not superman.

Tell me about your past work experience?

When I was twenty-one I sent nude pictures to Playboy.

Have you ever convicted a crime/felony?

Relationships causalities? Oh yeah. I was a little whore.

Why do you want to work for us?

I need money. I don’t feel like taking my clothes off in front of a camera, though it is an option…