How many…?

People did you sleep with?

I’m a grownass woman, who cares. After college it doesn’t matter anymore.  


Kids?

One. 


Marriages?

One. 


STDs in your lifetime?

None. 


People you talk too?

I can count on my hands. 


People irritate you?

Everyone. 


Drugs do you take? 

None. I don’t count cough syrup, sleeping pills, Benadryl, and pain relievers as a drug. 


Side pieces?

I’m too old and lazy for that. 


Times you hit the gym in a week?

Everyday. If not, I’m outside running or rollerblading. 


Times do you have sex in a month?

Idfk. Who does it concern?


Times do you drink in a month?

Maybe once on a rare month. 

Background check

Married 

Soon to be divorced 


Six siblings 

Only one shares the same father 


Lived in

Loserville most of her life

Snobby suburbs a few years 


College education 

Degree in Creative Writing?

High school diploma 


Issued a muffler ticket

Never arrested 

No criminal record 


Few personal questions: 

Your father is him? Are you aware of his criminal record? All I know is he was arrested for beating my mother. That was before I was born. 

Is it true your father was struck and killed in November 2020? Yes. 

Are you aware of your mothers record? She had debt. Her debt isn’t mine. 

How did she die? Car accident made her weak and unable to receive treatment. She had cancer. 

How did you cope? I wasn’t close to my father, he was hardly ever there and they split when I was 11. I was close to my mother. Nothing you can do. I kept my promise to my mother. 

I found on your background, you were sued. Explain. I was 18 and bought credit cards. No job. No plan. I don’t know why they approved me. I maxed them out and didn’t pay them back. Then I received a lovely notice in the mail several years later and paid it off and cleared my name. 

Are you irresponsible with money? I’m still implosive but I mainly buy stuff for my daughter. I don’t have credit cards. 

Why are you interested in this position?

I’m doing nothing with my life besides being a mother and unpaid writer. 

Truth about dealerships

There’s different departments; new, pre-owned, parts, service, body shop, detail, and finance. 

Aka don’t call with a full blown story or not knowing what you want (people like me are irritated as shit and less likely going to connect you to someone fast). 


There is a specific process of doing things. 

I don’t care if you’re selling, in office, making deals, etc. No you can’t come in like a crazy person saying it needs to be done right away. 


The sales people tells everyone the same thing. 

I know, I’m front desk. I see and hear a lot of things. 


Next point: they lie. 

I’m not buying a car from them, but they will lie to me or whoever about a customer. ‘No, I didn’t work with this person, no they didn’t say that to me’ bullshit, you know I’m right across from you? 


They all say “inventory is low it’s car getting cars right now” blah blah 

Like a low-end furniture store — I also worked in after everything was opening up. 


A lot of people can’t handle their job

So get used to doing other people’s work… and listening to a finance manager have an emotional breakdown when he thinks no one can hear him. 


They can’t hear you page and it’s your fault. 

You’re too low, you need to turn up the speakers. No, maybe if they stopped talking to co-workers when a customer is calling; they’d hear it.


It’s a family business

Which means all the family members will call the business because no one can text or pick up their cell phone. Unless, you kissass or best friend someone there you won’t make it very long. 


When you call you get “they’re with a customer right now”

Sometimes it’s true but most of the time they can’t bothered to pick up. They’re chatting or outside smoking. 


Service on the other hand,

They’re actually with a customer, working on a car, or on lunch when they don’t answer. Just saying. 


Also,

It is a process you’re not getting the car that day most likely. So don’t ask me. 

This woman

drives me insane 

those leggings 

on her toned ass

her hair 

her eyes

the way she laughs

and how she says 

my name 


I think of the things

that stop me before 

I even think of going 

another level with her 

what do I do?

I tease her 

I hope it lessens 

the tension or makes 

her hate me whatever 

comes first 


wait, did she seriously 

say she’d love to train me?

I’m standing around like 

a school boy trying to wash 

the stupid grin off my face 

then she says 

my name again

and calls me

because it’s her job 

but what would she do

if I asked her for her number? 

laugh? 

This man

irritates the shit out of me

I can’t believe I was attracted 

to that? maybe it’s in the stars 

my Aquarius moon and rising 

tends to draw me to Leo personas 

maybe it’s my past 

rendezvous with older men

with black hair and blue eyes 

who knows, who cares 

at least we didn’t bang it out

to figure out it’s stupid 

it doesn’t stop him

from joking about 

working out with me,

pretending he needs help

throwing an elbow, 

or saying he wants to 

karate chop me 

but oh, I also

I look nice 

I’m pretty 

I’m beautiful 

I dress good 

I guess that’s how 

a divorced man 

in his late forties 

interacts with 

a woman 

in her early thirties

clueless  

Woman

I’m not going to
go get the manager
don’t ask me the same
question I just answered
I don’t know what goes
in other departments nor care

stop acting like
you’re going to burst
in tears or set the place
on fire must be
PMS or menopause
can’t relate
I’m a raging bitch
all the time
but better at hiding it

move on
you can’t
you don’t stop talking
at least shut up
enough so I can get
some writing
done in peace
haha
let’s tie this cord
around your neck
and make everything more
then it is
the end

Man

I am a writer
but I’m not a talker
you want to know
what I’m thinking
I’ll show you
you don’t
you’re afraid
behind that ego
you think you’re
too old
unappealing
and have to be
professional
at all times
let me tell you
it’s a joke
only people
with their heads
up their asses
give a shit

so maybe
you’re right
you’re unappealing
the egocentric
masked clown is
actually insecure
and doesn’t know
how to approach women
and you think
because I’m laughing
I don’t see it
honey, my gift is
seeing

Weirder

The guy went from small talk to asking me about my tattoos — to suggesting he workouts at the same gym as me, next to me. Why? I don’t know. I think he’s messing with me, or is he? He sounded serious when he said he wants to join. Even if so, I probably won’t ever see him. He doesn’t get up that early.

I’m used to men saying things like that because they’re imagining my ass in some tight leggings working out. And there’s nothing hotter than a woman that can kick your ass? He knows I can why is he pulling my chain? It’s fun.

Forget the fact nothing will probably ever happen. It’s so much more fun wasting time and energy playing around with something you’ll never have.

‘But sis you’re obviously attracted to him too’ Attraction comes and goes. It doesn’t mean I’m going to sleep with him.

So, she thinks

I definitely have

a type 

blue eyes 

big arms 

black hair 

some facial hair 

only the last

and handful of guys

I rendezvous with 

no wonder why

I’m drawn to him

what will happen?

probably nothing 

but hey, if I really 

wanted it too;

it would

they don’t know

how to react

around you

the ball is in 

your field

So, he thinks

I would

bang her but no

she’s younger than me

married and has

a daughter 

that’d be wrong 

on many levels 

and I am what?

out of shape 

she could

kick my ass

that’s kinda of hot 

but who am I kidding? 

never

she’s a little too giggly

towards me I can’t send

her the wrong vibe 

I’m not interested 

I like talking to her 

she’s interesting but 

can’t spell my name?

unless she did that

on purpose

how is she a writer 

if she can’t spell?

her titles are fucked up

I can’t find her on the internet 

why?